Part of Liz's journey is for me to

write down how I may have had a part in her formative years and what behaviors she learned from me. I remember that during a time in her life when she should have been developing calm and listening ears, she was watching me lose it because Scott was not supportive or around and was dealing with his own stuff. He worked late, he wanted to work late and advance his career and didn't make being home and cooperating a priority in his life. I met this resistance to us with frustration and anger. I did not know how to cope and I took it out on myself and everyone. How I coped would not have made a difference in Scott's behavior, he viewed any passive behaviors as a concession and giving in to what he wanted. But it would have made a difference in Lizzy. She would not have seen my lack of coping skills and would have learned how to cope properly in the face of adversity.

Now I know that I have to address this with her and talk about what happened, even if she cannot remember. Even if Scott was the catalyst for my behaviors, I need to take responsibilty for what effect the behaviors had on the children.

I started reading M. Beck's book on using Cognitive Behavior

Therapy (CBT) as a way to change your thought and change your life relating to eating habits and dieting. The book instructed me to write on an index card each day for 2 weeks affirmations and read them every day to help me change my thinking about losing weight. The second day was interesting. She said to be aware of all of the times we eat standing up and write a card about it. After I did that, I was uncomfortable each time I put something in my mouth while I was standing up. The goal is to notice the behavior first and then notice it enough to change it. I think CBT for anything is better than psychotherapy. Now I am going to finally register for fall classes to embark on my next journey into the MSW program.

Journaling Lizzy's journey at SUWS for the next four weeks

A year of making a difference includes helping everyone in the family find their way so that we all can be happy. So much of what I went through over the last four years included dealing with the trials and tribulations of our children. Each child has been going through their own individual issues. Now we are addressing Liz's issues. We took her to SUWS this week which is a wilderness therapeutic outdoor program designed to help children with ADHD and oppositional defiance and other issues that get in the way of helping the child make good choices and making friends. We have been trying to help LIz at home but we (I should say, me because Scott isn't so sure) believe that this program will help her.

As part of Liz's program, they asked us to write in a journal. So I am going to use this Blog as my journal because there is so much going on- hopefully lots of personal changes that are going to make a difference in my life.

So here is the first entry, thought that I have.
Last year when we were dealing with Holly's eating, the professionals wanted us to send her to a treatment center and I fought the idea and believed that Holly needed to be treated in the home. I found Family Based treatment, A/K/A Maudsley and we learned it and the program helped Holly enormously. Scott make the comment yesterday that Liz's program is similar to what they wanted us to do for Holly and that we were willing to let Liz leave the home for as long as 8 weeks, if that is recommended. I woke up this morning thinking about that comment and said to Scott that there is a difference. In Lizzy's case, she has to be treated outside of the home because her behaviors were disrupting the family. Holly's behaviors of not eating was not disrupting the family and there was no harm to the other members of the family by her staying. Also Holly was receptive to treatment in the home and she was able to change her behavior rather quickly. For Liz, we have been trying to work with her for at least 4 years with no success. If it took that long to help Holly, we would probably have to send her to treatment also. I need to make sure that I share that thought with Liz when the time comes because I am sure she is thinking the same thing and questioning my decision to send her out of the home for help.